Today will probably be a double post day, but I had to get this out of my head so I could stop letting it circle in my head. The ex called last night, and well I being the weak soul that I am answered, I wanted to know why he was calling, why he wanted to talk.

I don't know, I thought the conversation would go better than what it did, I know I'm doing better, I know it, but for some reason I just felt so small and inadequate when I talked to him, like I hadn't progressed at all, it wasn't good. I won't go into the details of the conversation, I don't think it's fair to violate his privacy like that, I'm sure he isn't even fond that I'm posting this, but I did say that this was my form of therapy, and I hope I don't sound mean when I say this, but oh well. We didn't end our conversation on a high note either, we got off because he was feeling weird, and I don't know if it was me or Pai (who was in the background singing and being general Pai rude,) but I did send him a text later saying that I felt bad, I hope he feels better, and that I was sorry. I know, weak and I'm sorry to disappoint everyone, I'm just not that strong yet.

Aside from the conversation yesterday, I made more progress, I finally stood up for myself with my family. I get so tired of the selfishness that some of my family members display, (I'm not going to name names, that would not be cool) I mean a lot was accomplished without a lot of help from others, and I walked into the apartment to be called incompetent and irresponsible, it wasn't fair, and frankly I'm tired of being treated this way. I'm a great sibling and a great daughter, I have accomplished a lot, and like I said I've made my share of mistakes, but I've owned up to them, taken responsibility, and accepted that they were MY mistakes, not anyone elses. I can't deal with disrespect anymore, I don't want to see them take advantage of generosity because they think they deserve it, they need to learn to be grateful and thankful for the life that they live. I mean I'm not going to lecture them on how to behave, it is not my place, but hopefully they will learn that lesson before they burn to many bridges.

Alright I'm leaving it here, I have a hike across campus to get to my lab, and from the looks of it, it may start raining again (Yay!)