Not again...

So, its official, this has been the worst week of my existence, but you know what, I'm thankful, I'm thankful for wonderful friends and great family, whom even when I do something stupid or disappoint them, they are still there standing behind me and pushing me through. I really am blessed for all the support that everyone has given me.



That being said, a lot of the problems and issues that have happened have been my fault, my lack of responsibility can astound me sometimes, and this seems to be a common thread in all of my problems, if I had just paid a little more attention, if I would have just a little more intelligence in regard to the situation, it seems like a good majority of my life problems would be gone.



I know I'm learning, and I know that all the mistakes that I'm making are teaching me valuable life lessons, but seriously, this sucks, I wish things were all sunshine and rainbows, reality is a terrible terrible place.



I was talking with a friend of mine a little bit ago, and he was incredibly supportive, which is surprising, especially if you know the kid, but he made a great point, I have spent this whole week expecting each day to be a dramatic turning point, expecting to have that wonderful AHA moment, and this just shows how I really do see the world in black and white, things are either great or they suck, and this is not realistic, theres all sorts of shades of grey and I need to start seeing it that way or the rest of my existence is going to be very dramatic and I'm going to die at 30 of a heart attack. I need to be patient, things aren't going to change in a week, thats not how life works, it's not that easy, if it was, we would all be incredibly well rounded and balanced individuals, which of course, we aren't.



So here I am at Staufs again, pondering my existence, trying to see my life and reality in shades of grey, because I really would like to make it past the age of 30.