So I tried to post last night, but my computer decided that it no longer wants to work, and updating a blog on a cell phone seemed to tedious and I was already weary from the day.

I regressed yesterday, I acted like a 16 year old that was rebelling against her parents. I was full of cutting remarks, tears, and a few anxiety attacks. Hopefully today will be better.

It's the first day of classes, so I'm here at Staufs drinking some tea and going through a list of excuses as to why I do not have to attend my 3:18 class, but alas I keep on coming back to the same conclusion, if I want to grow up and be responsible I should go to class, I need to prove to myself that I can do this without someone behind me pushing me to go.

The ex and I e-mailed last night, I totally lashed out at him, but to be honest I was having an anxiety attack and he happened to be on the phone with me while I was going through it, it wasn't fair and he didn't deserve it, so I e-mailed him an apology, and he responded.  I never thought it would be this tough, trying to keep your chin up and move forward seems like a daunting task, but I'm ready to go for it, I know its going to be a long haul, but thats not what scares me, it scares me that I may grow up and become a better person but still want to be with him, and he won't want anything to do with me.